Insomnia

It's that moment when you first close your eyes,
and you envision every void in your life filled.
It’s usually the same routine.
Finding that someone you love,
waking up with a smile,
and every single day is filled with sunshine.

But this time it’s different.
That something you used to see so routinely
when your eyes close is now gone,
and the replacement shocks open your eyes.
You sit up in bed -- puzzled.
How, exactly, did that pop into your head?

You can’t sleep now,
and you can only question your subconscious efforts.
You try to go to sleep again but the same scene keeps
playing over and over.
Even when you try to force it to what it used to be,
It disintegrates and the new scene appears.

It’s still sunny, and you’re overwhelmingly happy
in your imagination -- but you’re still confused.
Why has this one thing changed? --
And why has it changed to this?
You start to analyze,
but can’t come up with a concrete answer.

You’ve always known this thing was wonderful,
but definitely and tremendously out of reach.
You think it’s almost cruel for your brain to
let this vision come to pass.
But then again -- it is
undeniably intriguing.

You lay down your head once more and come to the
irritatingly ambiguous conclusion --
To take account of the things you
think about when you close your eyes to
fall asleep at night.
It may be your heart trying to tell you something
that you’ve been too blind to notice with your
eyes open.

My face burns crimson
As my heart drains blue.
I see reality and my veins scorch green.
I try to find words but my lips run white.
I wipe my eyes as my cheeks stain black.
In the end I say nothing -- and go on with the lie.
Because silence is golden
And silver is second best.

Battle Cries

You peak your head out of your burrow
And gaze upon the battlefield --
A rival musket fires off a shot of “you cannot”
And whispers words of worthlessness as it
Whizzes passed your ear.

You take it in.
You don’t belong here.
You aren’t good enough, and probably never will be.
Nobody wants you here, and you may as well leave.
You’re awful, you’re despicable, you’re deserted.

The field fills with cries of loneliness and pain
As you shake the sounds of the enemy out of your head,
And look forward to the war standing before you.
Slowly you sink back into your bunker and think,
“It would be so easy not to fight back.”

Explosions shower debris of the mistakes
That replay nightly on the inners of your eyes
As you try to sleep at night.
The sounds of your memories collapse around you
As the enemy moves closer through No Man’s Land.

Finally you realize that you have to open your eyes
And fight back if you ever want anything to change.
You raise your head and your musket,
And run out into the vast entity of smog --
Charging forward to make it to tomorrow.

Bullets of “turn back now” singe your clothes
As you march forward through the insecurity.
Cries of “you’ll never be enough” erupt around you
As you squint through the dense clouds that impair your sight.
You hesitantly raise your weapon and fire a retaliation of “yes I am.”

And then you fire another.
Then take few steps forward.
Then you send two more retorts.
Then you sprint forward without hesitation,
And let loose the rest of your ammo.

All goes silent and you stand unarmed but reassured.
You slow to a walk and take in the crunches
Of the past beneath your boots.
You surface out of the smog and inhale deeply for the first time,
And know there is no longer anything to be afraid of.

Train Wreck

I ran down the cobblestone steps
Into the dark and dank station.
Took a left at pointing arrow
That told me to go right.

I arrived at my platform,
But I was the only one there.
Through the ominous fog lingering on the tracks
I found only myself.

The train slowly squeaked forward,
Painted with dark black and gold trim.
I hesitantly walked on and took my place
Feeling I should not have stepped in.

The train was deserted.
Not a server in sight.
The red walls dangled cobwebs
From each Victorian light.

I closed my compartment,
And the train started to chug
I fell back to my carriage seat
To see the floor sprawling with bugs.

I can only describe
The sight as unsightly.
While kicking and screaming,
My chest constricted my pounding heart tightly.

I had to get out,
But I found the door locked.
I threw my shoe through the window
As the insects crept up my sock.

I fell down the dusty isle,
Looking for an escape.
I glanced out the window
To find a black and grey landscape.

I moved in slow motion,
In a trance of panic and horror.
I felt the sparks on the tracks,
As I found the conductor’s door.

I whipped open the door,
Then fell fast to the ground,
As fire swirled out,
And no conductor was found.

I thought I would die
On the runaway train.
As tears soaked my cheeks,
Fear filled my blue veins.

In spite of the fire
I raised from the floor.
Though I had bites on my arms,
I could feel pain no more.

I stumbled to the caboose,
But again found it locked.
To add salt to the wound,
The compartment started to rock

I looked out across the colorless escape,
To see the hind tracks falling,
Over the raging waters
Where razor sharp teeth of boulders were calling.

I closed my eyes as I started to fall,
To my demise I started to recall,
That I should have gone right,
But I went down the wrong path,
And now I am answering to
The Universe’s wrath.

This train wreck’s my life.
Make no mistake.
Remember it all depends on
The tracks that you take.

I took the wrong one,
And look at me now.
I fell to my ruin
In the worst way I know how.

If I could give my advice,
Please take the salt with the grain.
For the Dear love of God
Do not get on the next train.

This counts as a scribble...

One of my NYR's is to do Art more for myself. I used to do it all the time, but now I feel like I just do it for the grade. Hence, I have painted this. If you can't tell, it is supposed to be Marylin Monroe. All in all, it took me about 6.5 hours over a span of two days. It is the first thing I've painted in two years, and I used acrylic paint (though I think it looks more like watercolor). It's not a complete likeness, but I'm just pleased that I know how to paint after all this time. It's very rewarding. Anyway, here is the process:

Just Be

Be happy.
Be sweet.
Be pretty and kind.
Be grateful.
Be caring.
Be radiant and divine.
Be daring.
Be witty.
Be smart and still silly.
Be generous.
Be creative.
Be honest and true.
Be all these things but most importantly,
Remember to simply BE YOU.